choices, choices

I've been coming to realize that my life has turned out the way it has because of the choices I made. Pretty much everything in life is the way it is because of the choices we make. But at the same time, I believe in God's sovereignty and His complete control of my life, and also predestination. I guess this is one of those curious paradoxes, like how Jesus is 100% man and 100% God. I know that God is in complete control and knows everything, yet I know how important making decisions is in life.

Anyways, I don't regret anything I've done because there is no benefit in doing that, but I know I made decisions in my life that were not God glorifying or right. But, there's another thing I've learned relating to that. From all those past mistakes, or wrong decisions, instead of living with regret, I have learned from them and grown. Although I still do many things wrong, every time I do I just accept it and learn from it, hopefully learning to do things right the next time. In the past, I used to love doing things right naturally. I almost became prideful because of my natural ability sometimes. Ok I probably was prideful. However, nowadays I almost enjoy making mistakes, because I learn so much more and grow from them. As God continues to work in me and grow me, I will continue to fail and continue to grow. Hopefully I will become a more mature, Godly decision make but I know that it will come with time.

dogs....

I noticed that my dog is kind of sad and depressed looking most of the time. It made me wonder why, especially when other dogs seem always to be happy and excited, around people but especially their owners. Then I realized something about my dog. He is actually very selfish and doesn't care about other people, which may be the reason why he is the way he is. He doesn't get excited when people want to play with him and seems to want to be left alone to do his own thing. He sometimes gets excited when we come home or something but then resumes being distant and cold, often hiding under the bed.

Also, today as I was going to target with my dad, we saw a man in a wheelchair that had a dog with him. My dad wondered if it was okay to have a dog inside, but I assured him that handicapped people always have some kind of thing that allows them to always have a dog with them if they need it. Then, my dad went on to tell me about something he saw at someones house one day pertaining to dogs and how smart they can be. At the house, there were toddlers who were running around the front yard, on the driveway. The owners had this ridiculously smart dog that would use its body and face to push the kids away when they got to close to the street. Whenever they got to close, the dog would just redirect them back towards the house. To me, hearing that was pretty crazy. But it made me realize something about dogs and how it relates to our lives that we should be living for God.

Dogs are happier when they love and serve their masters, like this dog that serves whole-heartedly to make sure that his owners children are safe. Contrast that with my dog, who lives selfishly, without much thought to his owners and constantly seems unhappy. It made me realize what we were created to do. Serve our MASTER. Why do we constantly live for ourselves, in an unhappy state when we can be joyous and full, living for the one who truly loves us and knows what's best for us. Our lives should be as simple as a loyal and loving animal, yet we live selfishly and complicate our lives into states of unhappiness.

This may be a stupid concept or idea that doesn't make much sense, but I really don't give a crap. I guess we need to live simpler lives in order to have that deep understanding. On a side note, my dog wasn't really all sad and sulky until he started living with me. I think he picked up that part of his personality from me, being all anti-social and stuff. I guess that speaks to where I am with my walk, and that I need to change. Yep.

tuesday night prayer

For Tuesday night prayer, the person leading it gave us paper and pens to write out our prayer requests. I filled out both sides of the paper with this:

- for patience in God's sovereignty, to wait on god's time and not my own, selfish time

- kill my idolatrous nature; to stop focusing on stupid worldly things and instead have my heart and mind be focused on the gospel and how wonderful God's grace is; and as a response I should be living and breathing every second of my life for the gospel

- for outreach opportunities, not just for them but for me to be bold and not lazy, making a conscience effort to be a light and reaching out to others

- not be so lazy in everyday life, live every second for the Lord; being productive and healthy;taking care of my body, which is the temple of God

- have deeper, cross-centered relationships; not living in solitude and for my own selfish desires, caring for and loving others, investing myself into others and truly caring for them

- not show favoritism and love all equally, not treating others differently because I like them better for certain reasons

- be transparent and not so secretive; be vulnerable to others and also allow other to open up to me; to be a person who is not a rock of solitude but someone who truly lovers others and cares for their walk

- pray without ceasing, truly setting apart time to spend with my Father and lifting all that I am to Him and also praying and interceding to others, having a truly unselfish heart towards those around me; their lives, problems, prayers, petitions, etc.

- for my Arizona trip, for You to truly prepare my heart to be a leader; take things in complete seriousness

- for my future trip to Tanzania/Uganda, whatever You have planned and trusting in Your sovereignty